Got this Jokes from my Friend in FB :]
These are questions and actual answers of contest participants!
1. Q: "Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?" A: "Utong!"
2. Q: "Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?" A: "Umiilaw!"
3. Q: "Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: "Humanitarian?"
4. Q: "Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga." A: "Ninja?"
5. Q: "Ano ang karaniwang kasunod ng kidlat?" A: "Sunog!"
6. Q: "Magbigay ng sikat na Willie." A: "Willie da pooh!"
7. Q: "Ang mga Hindu ay galing sa aling bansa?" A: "Hindunesia?"
8. Q: "Anong hayop si King Kong?" A: "Pagong!"
9. Q: "Magbigay ng mabahong pagkain." A: "Tae!"
10. Q: "Saang bansa matatagpuan ang mga Canadians?" A: "Canadia!"
11. Q: "Kumpletuhin - Little Red." A: "Ribbon!"
12 Q: "Ano ang tinatanggal sa itlog bago ito kainin?" A: "Buhok?"
13. Q: "Magbigay ng pagkain na dumidikit sa ngipin." A: "Tinga!"
14. Q: "Anong oras kadalasang pinapatay ang TV?" A: "Pag balita?"
15. Q: "Ano ang tawag mo sa anak ng taong grasa?" A: "Baby oil?"
16. Q: "Saan karaniwang ginagawa ang mga sweets na ginagamit sa halu-halo?" A: "Sweetserland?"
17. Q: "Sinong higanteng G ang tinalo ni David?" A: "Godzilla?"
18. Q: "Ano ang mas malaki, itlog ng ibon o sanggol ng tao?" A: "Itlog ng tao!"
19. Q: "Anong S ang tawag sa duktor nag nago-opera?" A: "Sadista?"
20. Q: "Blank is the best policy." A: "Ice tea?"
22. Q: "Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?" A: "Sa likod!"
23. Q: "Fill in the blanks - Beauty is in the eye of the ____." A: "Tiger?"
24. Q: "Ano ang kinakain ng monkey-eating eagle?" A: "Saging!"
25. Q: "Kung ang suka ay vinegar, ano naman ang Inggles ng toyo?" A: "Baliw!"
26. Q: "Anong tawag mo sa kapatid ng nanay mo?" A: "Kamag-anak!"
27. Q: "Saan nakukuha ang sakit na AIDS?" A: "Sa motel?"
28. Q: "Kung ang H2O ay water, ano naman ang CO2?" A: "Cold water!"
29. Q: "Sinong cartoon charcater ang sumisigaw ng yabba dabba doo?" A: "Si scooby dooby doo?"
30. Q: "Heto na si kaka, bubuka-bukaka." A: "Operadang bakla?"
31. Q: "Ilan ang bituin sa American flag?" A: "Madami!"
32. Q: "Ano ang tawag mo sa taong isa lang ang mata?" A: "Abnormal!"
Showing posts with label joke time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joke time. Show all posts
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Joke Time # 1 // YAYA. =)
1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: "Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?"
Yaya: "Puwede sa table?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
2. Kid: "Yaya look, boats!"
Yaya: "Dows are not boats, dey're yachts."
Kid: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
Yaya: "Yor rayt, dey are boats."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor's office.
Doc: "Bottlefed?"
Woman: " Breastfed po."
(Doctors squeezes woman's breasts repeatedly)
Doc: "Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh."
Woman: "Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
"Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: "Ma'am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
6. Yaya: "Huhuhu?"
Ate: "O, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
Ate: "Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat? "
Yaya: "Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi."
Ate: "O, bakit ka di makatulog?"
Yaya: "Kasi po may pinoproblema ako?"
Ate: "Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
7. (Earlier) Mom: "Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!"
(Later) Son: "Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?"
Yaya: "Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, "Paano mo naman nasunog to?"
She answered: "Secret!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
"Ang pangit naman, happy ending!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
10. Sir: "Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!"
Yaya: "Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
11. Mom: "Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!"
Yaya: "Ano po lulutuin ko?"
Mom: "It's up to you."
(During dinner) Mom: "Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?"
Yaya: "Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, 'kitsup tuyo'!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
12. Our neighbor's yaya: "Junjun, chew your mouth!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: "Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
14. SIR: "Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!"
INDAY: "Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?"
SIR: "Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!"
INDAY: "Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin?kapkeyk? "
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: "Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
16. "O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!"
Ate: "Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: "Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?"
Yaya: "Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, 'concentrate' ?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
18. Neighbor's yaya telling the dog to climb down the stairs:
"Down to earth! Down to earth!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
"Ma'am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya's son.
So one day I was reviewing him: "The Earth is the 3rd planet from
the sun.
Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?" His mom, our yaya, answered:
"Parang Watson's yata?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
21. Sir: "Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?"
Yaya: "Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!"
Sir: "Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?"
Yaya: "Gunting, kuya! Gunting!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
22. Yaya to tricycle driver: "Magkano sa City Hall?"
Driver: "Ikaw lang?" Yaya: "Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: "Yaya?"
Yaya: "Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!"
Kuya: "Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!"
Yaya: "Si Koya naman?nagsa- suggest lang?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
24. Kid: "Yaya, spell orange?"
Yaya: "Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
"Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
26. Yaya to my brother: "Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?"
Bro: "Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
"Ma'am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit?promise! "
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
28. We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre
in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom.
Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen?
"Kapre yun ma'am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
29. AMO: "Bakit namatay ang aso?"
MAID: "Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap."
AMO: "Nakamamatay ba yun?"
MAID: "Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
30. Yaya picking up the phone saying: " Hilo ?"
We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
We told her, "Yaya, baliktad!"
Then Yaya said: "Lohi?"
Crew: "Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?"
Yaya: "Puwede sa table?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
2. Kid: "Yaya look, boats!"
Yaya: "Dows are not boats, dey're yachts."
Kid: "Yaya, spell yachts?"
Yaya: "Yor rayt, dey are boats."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor's office.
Doc: "Bottlefed?"
Woman: " Breastfed po."
(Doctors squeezes woman's breasts repeatedly)
Doc: "Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh."
Woman: "Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
"Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: "Ma'am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
6. Yaya: "Huhuhu?"
Ate: "O, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
Ate: "Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat? "
Yaya: "Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi."
Ate: "O, bakit ka di makatulog?"
Yaya: "Kasi po may pinoproblema ako?"
Ate: "Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?"
Yaya: "Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
7. (Earlier) Mom: "Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!"
(Later) Son: "Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?"
Yaya: "Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, "Paano mo naman nasunog to?"
She answered: "Secret!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
"Ang pangit naman, happy ending!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
10. Sir: "Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!"
Yaya: "Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
11. Mom: "Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!"
Yaya: "Ano po lulutuin ko?"
Mom: "It's up to you."
(During dinner) Mom: "Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?"
Yaya: "Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, 'kitsup tuyo'!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
12. Our neighbor's yaya: "Junjun, chew your mouth!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: "Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
14. SIR: "Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!"
INDAY: "Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?"
SIR: "Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!"
INDAY: "Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin?kapkeyk? "
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: "Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
16. "O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!"
Ate: "Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?"
Yaya: "Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: "Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?"
Yaya: "Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, 'concentrate' ?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
18. Neighbor's yaya telling the dog to climb down the stairs:
"Down to earth! Down to earth!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
"Ma'am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya's son.
So one day I was reviewing him: "The Earth is the 3rd planet from
the sun.
Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?" His mom, our yaya, answered:
"Parang Watson's yata?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
21. Sir: "Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?"
Yaya: "Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!"
Sir: "Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?"
Yaya: "Gunting, kuya! Gunting!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
22. Yaya to tricycle driver: "Magkano sa City Hall?"
Driver: "Ikaw lang?" Yaya: "Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: "Yaya?"
Yaya: "Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!"
Kuya: "Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!"
Yaya: "Si Koya naman?nagsa- suggest lang?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
24. Kid: "Yaya, spell orange?"
Yaya: "Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
"Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
26. Yaya to my brother: "Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?"
Bro: "Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
"Ma'am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit?promise! "
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
28. We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre
in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom.
Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen?
"Kapre yun ma'am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
29. AMO: "Bakit namatay ang aso?"
MAID: "Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap."
AMO: "Nakamamatay ba yun?"
MAID: "Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
30. Yaya picking up the phone saying: " Hilo ?"
We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
We told her, "Yaya, baliktad!"
Then Yaya said: "Lohi?"
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